Progressive Christian Refreshes Bible App To See If God Has Updated His Stance On Homosexuality
PORTLAND, OR—From her local Starbucks Monday morning, progressive Christian blogger Rachel Brooks reportedly refreshed her Bible app a number of times, hoping to find that God had updated his “antiquated” stance on homosexuality, according to several eye-witnesses.
“I’m sure God knows His viewpoint here is on the wrong side of history,” Brooks muttered into her venti blonde roast while reading 1 Corinthians 6. “Not just on this, but on a number of other issues, He comes off as unacceptably repressive.”
Brooks reportedly checks the app several times a day, hitting the refresh button in hopes that the word of God will receive the long-awaited update confirming the immutable Lord of creation has “gotten His act together” and caught up with the rest of the world’s sense of morality—a hope she documents on her popular blog, Upgrading Christianity.